death doula

my voice trembled

as I whispered to you,

“it’s okay.

you can let go now.

we’re here.

we love you.”

my mind was quiet,

filled with an indescribable clarity

of what to do.

my spirit relayed to me

that I was about to go through

the biggest initiation of my life,

and to hold absolutely nothing back.

I was afraid to love you.

I was afraid I was too much like you.

I was afraid to show myself to you.

but in those last moments,

none of that mattered.

I knew in my bones

I was going to be with you,

no matter what,

as you crossed back

to your home

among the stars.

as the passageway began to open,

I felt the last remnants

of your human consciousness

fight for breath,

fight for a heartbeat.

I felt you,

lost somewhere between

gripping onto life

and letting go

into the ultimate surrender.

in this moment

I was struck with a passion

unlike anything I’ve ever felt

to make for damn sure

you knew

you’re not alone,

and that you are allowed to let go,

peacefully.

one hand in yours,

one hand rubbing your head

the way you did for me

when I couldn’t sleep.

with each stroke of my hand,

I felt the love in my heart and yours

burn away

all the fear you’ve felt

your entire life,

and I felt your struggle subside,

until you breathed your last breath.

and what a surreal,

incomprehensible

moment it was.

my soul then told me,

the angels will take it from here.

and I surrendered

back into the tears of my raw humanness,

and into the beginning

of the rest of my life.

but first,

as you were escorted into the Universe,

I heard you say,

check the song!

and sure enough,

through the medium you loved most,

you communicated to us

with absolute perfection

through a Beatles song,

telling us,

“you say goodbye,

and I say Hello.”